El Scott Harrell

The Funeral

A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery:

A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one.  Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.  Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single file.

The man couldn't stand his curiosity.

He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, 'I am so sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this.

Whose funeral is it?'  'My wife's.'  'What happened to her?' The man replied, 'My dog attacked and killed her.' 

He inquired further, 'But who is in the second hearse?' The man answered, 'My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her.'

A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.

'Can I borrow the dog?'

The man replied, 'Go to the end of the line.'

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Welfare & Public Assistance Versus the "Whiz Quiz"

(I sure would like to know who wrote this one! They deserve a HUGE pat on the back!)

I HAVE TO PASS A DRUG TEST FOR MY JOB... AND I HAVE TO AGREE 100%

Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit. In order to get that paycheck, I am required to pass a random urine test (urinalysis) with which I have no problem.

What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to people who don't have to pass a urine test.

Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare check because I have to pass one to earn it for them?

Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on their feet. I do, on the other hand, have a problem with helping someone sitting on their ASS, doing drugs, while I work. . .

Can you imagine how much money the state would save if people had to pass a urine test to get a public assistance check?

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For All of You Animal Lovers Out There! Ahhhh...

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .
 
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.
 
He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.  Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.  Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
 
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.  The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
 
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.  Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed his stupid ass against the railing, killing him instantly.
 
It probably wasn't the same elephant. 

This was for all of you who send me those warm hearted stories via email and blog comments.

United States Postal Service USPS Priority Mail Service: Voodoo on You!

It took 1 year and 11 days for a priority mail flat rate envelope I sent out to a private investigator continuing education client to be returned to me as "undeliverable; attempted unknown."

Yep.  The postal service put such a priority on my mail that it either took them 376 days to attempt to deliver the package in the first place or over a year to return it to me.

So I visited my local Postmaster in an attempt to find out what happened and perhaps get a refund on the $4.60 I spent for priority mail handling and delivery confirmation services and all I got was, "Wow! Something went really wrong there didn't it?"

He admitted that both the "to" and "from" addresses were valid and properly formatted and suggested that I call the post office in Corpus Christi, Texas as a follow up to my visit with him.  Of course, the delivery tracking number was too old to be of any use either.

As to the refund request:  "Priority Mail usually arrives in 2 to 3 business days but delivery times are not guaranteed.  Services have been rendered." there was nothing he could (would) do.

I found the entire experience fairly predictable really; the typical government employee deer in the headlights followed by the "I really don't give a crap about your business as long as I am still guaranteed my government pension" attitude is fairly cliche.

voodoo.  vooDOO.  VOODOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Voodoo on you U.S. Postal Service for potentially pissing my customers off, hurting my business and squandering the $4.60 I paid in postage when I could have put an entire gallon of gas in my Ford Expedition for the same amount and gotten the exact same thing: NOTHING and NOWHERE.

Hexpedited mail?  HAHAHAHAHAHA!  That's funny.

Domainers Suck! Voodoo on you.

I hate domainers.  They're like the asshole of the Internet.  I really, really hate them.

Cybersquatters really; they're taking up all the best URLs and clogging up the World Wide Web with crap. 

Take my experience today for example:  So I've decided to create a new blog about phishing and post each phishing email I get for content so I need to find a really good website address, something that kind of fits my character and sense of humor.  So I start the usual search by typing the URL I really want, gonephishing.com, into my web browser hoping to get an error message indicating that the website does not exist and then I could go and register it, but HELL NO- I get one of those typical domainer web pages that has all of the "related searches" links that take you to a Google ad sense page where they hope I'll click on another link and Google or Yahoo will pay them a few cents for the click.

At least this site didn't create a zillion pop-up and pop-under ads and redirect my browser to a penis enlargement or Adult Friend Finder site. 

Domainers typcially rely upon "type in traffic," meaning that they are betting on Internet users to type the exact URL into their web browser in order to land upon the site. 

There is no question about it- some Domainers make A LOT of money but they have to own thousands of premium names or typos (hoping that you'll mis-type or mis-spell a popular website address) but damn... gonephishing.com???

Who'd just type that in, except for maybe me?  I wouldn't be so pissed off if the domain owner at least had the courtesy to put a price tag on it or indicate that the domain is for sale.

So I moved on and have found all of the following URLs are also taken too:

gone-phishing.com
deepseaphishing.com
phishing101.com
flyphishing.com
phishingemail.com
smellsphishy.com
smellslikephish.com
somethingphishy.com
gophish.com
bigphish.com

I could go on and on but it appears useless...

So what's the f'n point of registering gonephishing.com if the owner couldn't hope for even a decent amount of type-in traffic and the domain is apparently not for sale?

Yes, Dear Reader, I'm quite sure that the point is simply to piss El Scott Harrell off and the owner of gonephishing.com, Gregg Ostrick of GNO, Inc. of Birmingham, AL has done just that today. 

Hence today's well-deserved voodoo hex of the moment on Mr. Ostrick, specifically, and other domainers, in general, who own URLs that I have wanted in the past or may want in the future.

voodoo.  vooDOO.  VOODOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Voodoo on you Gregg Ostrick for being a domainer.  Voodoo on you too domainers for registering millions of domain names and posting infinite amounts of useless garbage on web, all so you can make 2 or 3 cents from some moron who takes the bait and clicks on a Google ad sense link.

This search has left me hexausted so I've finally settled on SmellsPhishyToMe.com.  Check it out.

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Little Johnny is not a Barak Obama Fan

A teacher in Elmira, New York asked her 6th grade class how many of them were Barak Obama fans.

Not really knowing what an Obama fan is, but wanting to be liked by the teacher, all the kids raised their hands except for Little Johnny.

The teacher asked Little Johnny why he has decided to be different... again.
 
Little Johnny said, “Because I'm not an Obama fan.”
 
The teacher asked, “Why aren't you a fan of Barak Obama?” Johnny said, “Because I'm a Republican.”
 
The teacher asked him why he's a Republican. Little Johnny answered, “Well, my Mom's a Republican and my Dad's a Republican, so I'm a Republican.”
 
Annoyed by this answer, the teacher asked, “If your mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot, what would that make you?”
 
With a big smile, Little Johnny replied, “That would make me an Obama fan.”

New Private Investigator Association

I've been approached by several people who are interested in forming the Gulf Coast Private Investigators Association.  They envision a regional association made up of voting members, mainly private investigators from the Gulf South, with an interest in the investigations industry primarily located in the coastal areas of Florida, Alabama, Mississippi, Louisiana and Texas.

It looks like a solid organization whose main focus will be promoting sensible legislation, private investigator continuing education and business networking opportunities.

I'm excited by the prospect since the Florida PI Association to which I currently belong and am on the board of directors is headquartered 10 hours from the office and it is not feasible for me to attend most of the events they are promoting.

I look forward to exciting changes on the horizon!

Bounty Hunters in Port Huron, MI

I heard something from my neighbors daughter about a bounty hunter situation that I found very disturbing. 

She was staying with a girl friend in Port Huron, MI.  A relative of this girl's had been kicked out of their house and was staying a couple of days with her.  The girl whom I'll call "Mary" was not aware that this individual, a young man, was wanted.

There was a knock at the door and when "Mary" opened it there were several bounty hunters with shot guns pointed at them.

"Mary and my friend's daughter I'll call "Kelly" had shot guns in their faces and they were threated with being shot and killed.  "Mary" who was pregnant, mentioned this to the officer and asked to get her little niece out of the house and her dogs and told the bounty hunters they could do whatever they needed too.  Apparently they were told to get everything and get out and they could still be shot including her dogs and it didn't matter if the girl was pregnant or not.  Fortunately the young man came out and surrendered. 

I want to know what happened to these girls rights under the constitution? 

Are bounty hunters allowed to threaten and shoot innocent people including women, pregnant women, children and pets?  If this is the case, I think it is terrible, and bounty hunting should be made illegal. People have rights, and bounty hunters still need to repect the laws of the constitution.  From this incident, I feel that bounty hunters are no more than glorified killers that need to be imprisoned themselves.

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If what you heard is actually the truth... then you were obviously dealing with some disturbed individuals who have no business in the profession and are obviously a danger to the public. 

Have "Mary" and "Kelly" called the police yet?  Have they called an attorney yet?

They should do both.

That is of course if this really happened the way you understand it... we have all played the "I heard it from a friend of a friend and it went something like this..." game before.

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U.S. Recovery Bureau- More Arrests Anticipated?

One of the things I do every so often is to check out what search terms lead people to the El Scott Harrell weblog.  Lately, and not surprisingly, I have been getting an enormous amount of traffic as a result of the owners of the USRB going down in flames for allegedly issuing fraudulent badges.  Most of the search terms have been simply "US Recovery Bureau" but in the last 24 hours I have seen "US Recovery Bureau Lawsuit" dozens of times, which leads me to believe that there is a movement under foot.  Rightfully so, I am sure that former USRB clients are some kind of pissed off.

I would be REALLY pissed off if I was issued a badge that landed me in jail for sure.  It would appear to me that civil litigation, suing the owners of the USRB, would be the obvious remedy if I was in this situation.

With all of the interest, I decided to do some more digging and I found these quotes in an article that seemed to insinuate that more arrests of US Recovery Bureau associates may be pending and even likened this situation to a threat to national security:

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"You have a lot of bad guys running around with [false] badges and credentials," said one source connected to the investigation of Neves. "It's a national security threat."

"What's the difference between that camp and an al-Qaida camp?" asked Al Petrocelli, whose 28-year-old-son, Mark, was killed on 9/11. "Knowing the damage this can do to the community ... it upsets me. We had a handful of people kill 3,000 people. Now we know of 3,000 fake, possibly federal identifications. The ramifications of this could be astronomical."   

Robert Neves -- who came to the door with a gun when agents came knocking yesterday -- was fired from his job as a city police detective in the mid-1990s, after being caught filing false police reports and tampering with records, a source said. Which precinct or unit Neves was assigned to was not immediately known and a police spokesman could not provide further details yesterday.

Authorities said that others, not yet arrested, also were involved in the U.S. Recovery Bureau, based in Union City, N.J., which offered three-day classes in bail enforcement training in Passaic, N.J., as well as Brooklyn and Manhattan. According to court papers, "well over 3,000" graduates who paid $860 left with false police and federal agent badges and credentials. More than 100 have been apprehended, authorities said.

A police source described the school as "totally fraudulent, not even incorporated in New York state."

Many of their students are apparently convicted felons and some foreign nationals who pose a security threat, the source said. There's also a concern about their boarding airplanes around the country, he said."

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Wow.  This is obviously a much larger issue than originally suggested.  Basically, Mr. Petrocelli associated the US Recovery Bureau with the terrorist organization, Al Qaeda.  Ouch.

Perhaps this is a cautionary tale to the rest of us who provide bail enforcement education.  "No," is certainly the best answer I could possibly give when I have a prospective student ask me if I issue badges or credentials upon completion of my bounty hunter class.

I noticed that the USRB's website is down once again "for maintenance."  That's probably best.

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Texas Process Server Continuing Education

US Recovery Bureau (USRB) Owners Arrested for Fraud

US Attorney Reports Men Arrested For Allegedly Distributing Fraudulent Law Enforcement Badges & Credentials

LAWFUEL.com - Legal Announcements / Press Release:

MICHAEL J. GARCIA, the United States Attorney for the Southern District of New York, and JOHN A. ULIANKO, Regional Director for the Federal Protective Service ("FPS"), Region 2, announced that RALPH RIOS and ROBERT NEVES were arrested today by agents of the Federal Protective Service on charges that they distributed hundreds of false law enforcement badges and credentials.

According to the Complaint filed in Manhattan federal court:

NEVES and RIOS are the principals of the U.S.Recovery Bureau (USRB) (the “School”), which offers monthly classes in bounty hunting and in how to restrain people.

The classes regularly take place in Brooklyn and Passaic, New Jersey, and in other locations, including one in Washington Heights, Manhattan, New York. Despite its name, U.S. Recovery Bureau is not a governmental organization.

The School provides graduates of its course with badges and credentials that give the impression that they were issued by actual government law enforcement agencies because, among other reasons,

(a) the badge is in the same shape as a New York City Police Department (“NYPD”) Detective badge;

(b) the badge bears a seal with a bald eagle that is a facsimile of the great seal of the United States;

(c) the badge reads “U.S. Recovery Bureau” and under the seal is the word “Agent” and a badge serial number;

(d) the badge is in a leather wallet that also holds credentials that are the same shape and size as federal law enforcement credentials and identify the graduate as a “Special Agent” of the “U.S. Recovery Bureau”;

(e) the credentials bear an emblem in the center of the card that is a facsimile of the great seal of the United States; and

(f) the credentials lack any clear indication that they are not issued by a governmental organization.

The United States Recovery Bureau also sells other materials, including clothing that says “Fugitive Task Force,” handcuffs and batons.

Law enforcement authorities have arrested multiple graduates of U.S. Recovery Bureau for using the credentials issued by the School.

On some occasions, students have used their School-issued credentials to try to avoid tickets and other law enforcement actions.

In other cases, students have used the credentials to try to access secure government buildings.

In at least one case, students have used the School-issued credentials to impersonate law enforcement officers in order to effectuate robberies.

Of approximately 943 students who received credentials from USRB, at least 78 were convicted felons at the time they took the U.S. Recovery Bureau course.

NEVES, 49, is from Staten Island, New York, and RIOS, 49, is from Homestead, Florida.

They each face a maximum sentence of five years in prison.

NEVES was presented this afternoon in Manhattan federal court before United States Magistrate Judge DEBRA FREEMAN; RIOS was presented in the Southern District of Florida.

Mr. GARCIA praised the investigative work of the FPS and the Police Impersonation Unit of the NYPD in this case, and thanked the United States Marshals Service, the New York Office of the Department of Homeland Security’s U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement, and the Federal Bureau of Investigation for their roles in the arrests.

Assistant United States Attorney WILLIAM J. HARRINGTON is in charge of the prosecution.

The charges contained in the Complaint are merely accusations and the defendants are presumed innocent unless and until proven guilty.

For further information, see my post on the US Recovery Bureau here, read the comments and follow the included links in that post too.

http://www.lawfuel.com/show-release.asp?ID=18511

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