El Scott Harrell

The Origin of the "F-Word" Everyone's Favorite Cuss Word

F*ckby Online English Degree

Louisiana Pelicans and the BP Oil-Spill

Down in Lafourche Parish, Louisiana, Boudreaux gets a job with British Petroleum (BP) helping with the oil-spill cleanup. He reports for work and is told to speak to a supervisor about his assignment.
 
He finds the man and asks, “What it is I supposed to do?”
 
The supervisor tells him to go to the animal shelter and clean the pelicans. 

Two hours later, Boudreaux comes up to the supervisor and says, “Okay… dey all cleaned. How do you want me to cook dem???"

Infidelity and the Milkman - Could the Stereotype be True?

One Monday morning a milkman is walking the neighborhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes he noticed that both cars were in the driveway.

His wonder was cut short by Bob, the homeowner, coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles.

"Wow Bob, looks like you guys had one hell of a party last night." the milkman comments.

Bob in obvious pain replies, "Actually we had it Saturday night. This is the first I have felt like moving since 4:00 am Sunday morning.

We had about fifteen couples from around the neighborhood over for Christmas Cheer and it got a bit wild. Hell, we got so drunk around midnight that we started playing WHO AM I."

The milkman thinks a moment and says, "How do you play that?"

Well all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us and only our "privates" showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is."

The milkman laughs and says, "Damn, I'm sorry I missed that."

Probably a good thing you did," Bob responds. "Your name came up four or five times."

Is your spouse cheating on you?

Funniest Cop Car Video Quotes

Quotable Cops: The following were taken off of actual police car videos from around the country...

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

#14 "Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second? In case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9mm bullet fired from my gun."

#11 "So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess that means I can write anything I want on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh .. did I mention that I am the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and step in monkey shit."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "Just how big were those two beers?"

#3 "No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we want."

#2 "I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good personal friend of yours. At least you know someone who can post your bail."

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? .. You're right, we don't. ... Sign here."

My favorite police quote has always been a bumper sticker I saw on a cop car that said, "Smile.  I could be behind you."

Funny Olympic Comments

Here are the top nine funny comments made by NBC sports commentators during the Olympics

1. Weight-lifting commentator: 'This is Gregorieva from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.'
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2. Dressage commentator: 'This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.'
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3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: 'I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.'
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4. Boxing Analyst: 'Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.'
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5. Softball announcer: 'If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.'
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6. Basketball analyst: 'He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.'
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7. At the rowing medal ceremony: 'Ah, isn't that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.'
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8. Soccer commentator: 'Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's like they've got eleven Dicks on the field.'
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9. Tennis commentator: 'One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them... Oh my God, what have I just said?'

A VERY Poor Choice for a Web Address

http://therapistinboulder.com/

Is that "The Rapist in Boulder" or "Therapist in Boulder."

At first glance I thought it was the former.

I found this URL while doing a reverse IP check on one of my shared hosting plans and just had to share...

For All of You Animal Lovers Out There! Ahhhh...

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University .
 
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.
 
He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments.  Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away.  Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.
 
Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing.  The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.
 
Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant.  Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed his stupid ass against the railing, killing him instantly.
 
It probably wasn't the same elephant. 

This was for all of you who send me those warm hearted stories via email and blog comments.

Dog For Sale

Free to good home.

Excellent guard dog.

Owner cannot afford to feed him anymore, as there are no more thieves, murderers, or molesters left in the neighborhood for him to eat.

Most of them knew him as "Holy Shit!"

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A Very Blonde Texas Aggie

Three women go down to Mexico one night to celebrate college graduation. They get drunk and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning - though none of them can remember what they did the night before.

The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair and is asked if she has any last words. She says, "I just graduated from Trinity Bible College and believe in the power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent." They throw the switch and nothing happens. They all immediately fall to the floor on their knees, beg for forgiveness, and release her.

The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words. "I just graduated from the Harvard School of Law and I believe in the power of Justice to intervene on the part of the innocent." They throw the switch and again, nothing happens. Again they all immediately fall to their knees, beg for forgiveness and release her.

The last one (you know it), a blonde, is strapped in and says, "Well I'm from Texas A&M and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I'll tell ya right now, ya'll ain't gonna electrocute nobody if you don't plug this thing in!"

Death Threats Against El Scott Harrell

Apparently a serial killer has made a serious death threat against me as a result of my blog posting.  Let's hope that this is not my last post.

More information on the TV news coverage can be found here, you'll need speakers to hear the story:  http://www.sliceoflifetv.com/index.php?id=6327377e

Thanks to all who have volunteered to stay by my side, armed of course, during this difficult time for me and my family.

El Scott Harrell

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